The Battle Within

View from the beginning/end of each loop

13 hours and 44 minutes in the desert outside of Moab.  That is how long it took me to finish the Gemini 100k.  The course was a 5.5 mile loop  consisting of roughly 500 feet of climb.  The trail mazed through stream beds and climbed over unforgiving slick rock.

Moab is a special place for me.  I have been going there every year since I moved out to Colorado 8 years ago.  The canyon walls, sun scorched rock, hidden oasis's and towering buttes have stood stoically for 1000's of years.  It is a place where the ancient history of our world comes into focus.  My imagination get's swept away as I try to imagine it's secrets.

The race area was beautiful, if not frustrating and challenging.  I ran as the sun rose and I finished as the  sun painted an amazing sunset before the stars showed me their glory and grace without the pollution from man's greatness.  I knew I loved the desert but I forgot how much I love racing 50+ miles.

Running that distance you fight with the best and worst parts of your self.  Doubt, disappointment and quit fight with dedication, guts and stubborn pride.  When you cross that finish line the best parts win.  If you drop you live with the weakness.  Where else in life is that battle so clearly defined and the winner so clearly crowned?  In this race I had resigned to quitting with about 17 miles to go.  When I told David I was done I hated the way it sounded coming out of my mouth.  I buried my excuses and finished.  The best parts won and I learned to endure again…….

It sounds so fantastic and sensational but that is the way it feels.  That is a feeling I only find a few times a year if I'm lucky.

Seen on our family hike in Needles District, Canyonlands UT

2014 is coming together nicely.  I'm over 500 miles into the new year so I'm ahead of my goal of 2,000 miles for the year.  The first 3 months of the year have historically been light mileage for me.  I smashed my March record by over 50 miles and I'm shooting for over 300,000k of climb this year.  I gained a lot of confidence running the 100k for my goal of breaking 24 hours on the WRT.  I can't wait for the mountain snow to melt.  Life is good!

Ready to say goodbye to weather that freezes the whiskah's

Managing the "buts"

How many times have you heard it?  Heck, how many times have you said it to yourself?

I'd like to, "but"......

We continually sell ourselves short with this type of thinking.  It's human nature to find that sweet spot that isn't threatening.  We find comfort in our routine, our jobs, our relationships and our lives.  This comfort though isn't tangible.  It is a myth that we will sell ourselves even when all signs point to comfort being detrimental to our progress and long term well-being.  If we don't continue to grow and evolve as individuals, then we will inevitably fall short in our jobs, relationships and lives.

It's taken me some time to recognize this.  I have always set goals I knew I could meet.  I met those goals and fooled myself into an idea of success.  I've been fortunate in life, but I've also not taken advantage of opportunities because I wanted to be comfortable.

What would happen if I set my goals high?  If my goals are set high, I might not meet them.  Does this mean I fail?  Maybe I won't meet my goal, BUT maybe the result of trying will be greater than anything I have ever accomplished.  If I stop using "but" as an excuse why I can't, maybe I will stop putting up roadblocks to what I can do.  At the least it will set the wheels in motion.  At least I give myself the chance to succeed.  What can happen if I manage my "buts"?

This year I am setting my running goals high.  I've set long term goals of 2,000 miles, 250,000 feet of vertical and running 100 miles in under 24 hours.  I am also setting monthly goals.  I set a goal of running every day in January.  I didn't meet that goal, but I did set a personal best for mileage and vertical for January and it was the most days I've run in a month.  I set a goal of 200 miles and breaking 90 minutes for 13.1 miles in February.  I failed to meet that goal but I did set a personal best for mileage for the month of February.  I didn't break 90 minutes for 13.1, but I did hit 92 minutes and trimmed 10 minutes off my personal best for that distance!

This opened my eyes and got me thinking about my professional and personal life.  The past couple months of running weren't failures.  I set personal bests for both months.  I could have set lower goals like I have in the past.  I could have made excuses why the goals should be lower.  I could run more miles but life is busy and I can make it up in future months.  In the past I would have set my goal at an easily achievable level instead.  I would hit those goals and inflate my ego a bit but they would have fallen short of what I accomplished through my failures.

I reflected a bit at other times in my life where I set the goals high.  I ran 100 miles.  Me, 100 f@$&ing miles!  It was my children who came to my mind right away though.  We struggled to get pregnant.  Adoption was scary.  We could have easily folded up the tent and moved on.  Kids would be great but the process of adoption will be expensive, stressful and potentially devastating.

We adopted 2 children.  One was adopted through foster care.  During that process we lost a young boy we thought we were going to adopt through a painful, heartbreaking and drawn out legal process.  But, through that process we adopted our wonderful daughter.  We got through the heartbreak with the help of friends, family, the love of our daughter and running.

Our second son was adopted as well.  We brought him home and within a week the birth mother changed her mind and he was taken away.  She ended up changing her mind again and he came back to us and has brought so much joy to our family ever since.  We could have created a million "buts" why not to adopt again but we didn't.

Finally, we got pregnant with our third son.  Our family is full.  Our lives are full.  We managed the "buts" and I didn't even realize it.  We are stronger and better off for having gone through the fire.  Maybe perspective and happiness is actually achieved through challenge, failure and perseverance.  Easy Street only exists in the movies.

This year I will set goals high in every area of my life.  I will not be afraid.  I will push the limits that I have built  for myself.  I'm committing to raising the bar.  I may not reach most of my goals but I'm now convinced that failing to do so might bring me the greatest success and happiness.

Are there parts of your life where you can challenge yourself more?  Have you set the bar too low?  You can only go as high as the ceiling you set.  Let's break through it!  Let's find out how high we can go.